If you have a daughter or/and a sister, you should read this article to be able to help them with life and with the men who will dominate their lives. Unfortunately, in many companies today, men are superior to women, so how much your daughter has chance to be a CEO in future?
I would love to play an empathy game with you to make you understand me better. How much women in business world are suffering because of ego of men?
Let us start with a question. You went to a nice place to have dinner with your friends. A great evening. Then one of your friends wants to take a group selfie to remember that night. Then he shares this photo on social media. The question is. Who do you look at first in the photo?
Of course, you will look at yourself first. This is EGO.
Do not worry 99% of people are doing this when they look at their group photo. This means you are a human being.
Let’s continue with another question.
Imagine that you are a scientist, you have been working hard for decades and at the end you achieved. You found the best corona vaccine. Millions of people will not suffer from the illness and from stupid restrictions. They gave your name to the vaccine. And you will be Worldwide famous and will earn billions or Euros. Do you really want to be this scientist? I am sure anybody will reply “no” to this question. What is your reply? But let me add a small detail to this question. Yes, the first part of question same and the detailed part is “you found the injection but soon after you died because of traffic accident. The popularity and wealthy will come after you die?” You will not experience this popularity and wealthy in life, but all will come after you die. Did you hesitate to reply “yes” when I added this detail? This is also ego. Because you are thinking of yourself not the mankind. You say yourself “I do not care if I will die” but you do not think that how many people will survive after you die.
The ego is inevitable, so we all have it.
Ego is our impulse to hold on to life, equal to “survive”. Thanks to our ego, we think about ourselves, eat, avoid danger, protect, shelter, fight, show our existence, show ourselves, we are respected, we are loved. This is all very normal.
But the Critical question is:
How much should your ego be?
Ego should be about the body temperature. In other words, when the fever of the body, that is, when the ego is swollen, we call it "bulging ego syndrome". This is a sickness. It is always the "me, me, me, me" situation. Seeing yourself above all else. Arrogant, arrogance, narcissistic, always justifying oneself, trying every way to win, not recognizing the law, not recognizing rights, getting angry when you are not right, being closed to criticism, even being aggressive when you are criticized. This is not only a condition that makes people sick, but also kills humanity today. But the reverse is also unhealthy, too. So, imagine our body temperature is dropping. When we die, our body temperature drops, then it disappears. If the ego is small, it will not be a very healthy situation. So, it is always the "you, you, you" situation. Ignoring yourself, not valuing yourself, lack of self-confidence,
Lack of intrinsic motivation, "who am I?" situation, "I can't do anything..." situation, inertia, pessimism, cowardice, wimpiness, and being nothing. This is also extremely unhealthy.
So, what should we do? We must have ego. Then we will balance the ego. We will keep our ego at the level of our body temperature. The easiest challenge to balance our ego is to empathize. We achieve true peace, true leadership, true justice, real success. The Turkish saying says, "poison is born from quantity". In the past, the Chinese killed their slaves by forcing them to drink water. They were forced to drink so much water that the prisoners' spleen burst. They were dying in pain. Water gives life to people, but if the amount of water is too much, it will kill people. Therefore, no matter how nice empathy sounds, it is also necessary to balance it. Unlimited empathy is resetting ourselves. I read a news and could not believe it. A famous lawyer in America burned himself in the middle of a park to protest global warming, to draw attention to the use of fossil fuels. Yes, he burnt himself. This much of empathy is a bit too much for me. But in general, whatever humanity has suffered, it has suffered because of the bulging ego. The bulging ego is the enemy of empathy. When you say bulging ego, Hitler comes to mind first, right? I will give an obvious example. You know the second world war could have ended much, much earlier. Because Germany was constantly defeated, the German armies were retreating. The Nazi commander said to Hitler: "Now let us surrender. Children and civilians are dying." Hitler replied: "If they voted for us, they supported us, they chose us, then of course they will die." So, Hitler's level of empathy was zero.
What is empathy?
Everyone has their facts. Your facts are the values that make you who you are. Being a man or a woman, being married or single, being Turkish or German, being a doctor or an athlete. These are your realities. You do not need to change them. But we look at the world through a window made up of our own characteristics. And when we look out of that window, we see our own facts. Empathy is seeing other facts and even very different facts when we look through the window. The literal meaning of empathy is: "Putting yourself in someone else's shoes". It is easy to say but difficult to do so. Because this is the second step, the hard one. First step; Knowing yourself and being able to question yourself. When we really do both, we can put ourselves in someone else's shoes. By learning to look at ourselves from the outside like someone else, we start empathy.
Are we in the center? Do we know everything? We are good, are they bad? The age of the world is about 5 billion years old. Who knows what happened in the world in these 5 billion years? How many civilizations, how many kings, how many empires, how many wars, how many massacres, how many deaths, how many successes. Let us look at the world from the dimension of the universe. We are not even a speck of dust. Of course, we are alive. But when our ego is swollen, then we must look at ourselves from the universe.
Unfortunately, in many countries today, men are superior to women. In fact, in large companies in most European countries, CEOs are always men. However, we must face it. How do women differ from men as brains? One sex cannot be superior to another. We say men and women are equal. In fact, we can say that women are superior because they are fertile in nature. In fact, if we compare it with animals, we humans are not far superior as a race. Imagine, a cheetah can run faster than you, the turtle lives longer than you, the dog smells better than you. the bat sees better than you, birds find a better way than you. Sometimes you cannot find your way even with google map. You see, we are not even superior to animals.
When you look at the world map, which country would you look for first? Not your own country? Everyone is proud of their country, flag, and nation. But there are also 194 other countries in the world recognized by the united nations apart from us. When people in those countries look at the world from their own perspective, they are proud of their flags, states, and nations. There are more than 100 races, more than 100,000 beliefs, more than 5000 cultures, and more than 7000 languages in the world today. The question we should ask ourselves is:
a - do you see it as a threat, risk, enemy, primitive, second-rate and danger?
b - do you see all these differences as the flow of life, natural, authentic, diversity, synergy, and wealth?
If differences are a threat to you, you try to eradicate them. If differences are a richness to you, you will try to keep it alive. A few hundred years ago, a group of white-skinned people enslaved another group of people, black-skinned, African-descent. They considered it normal. They even saw it as right in themselves. But history has shown that a white is no higher than a black. When everyone has equal conditions, black-skinned people can become the President of America.
Beliefs are a very sensitive and very important issue.
Let us take a look at the history of religions. Remember the first polytheistic religions. The Roman empire was its dominant civilization. The Romans gave Christians, who believed in one god, to lions in the arena. Then Christians became the dominant force. This time, they made crusades and attacked Muslims. Then, in Europe, Christian Protestants and Christian Catholics fought and killed each other. It was called 30 years’ war. Later, Jews in Europe were massacred by Christians. Later, Jews killed Muslims, Muslims killed Jews. Later, the Muslims killed the Muslims. And all these wars were fought for, deemed sacred or claimed to be for God. Even today hundreds of thousands of people in one part of the world believe that the cow is sacred and say it for it. In the same world, thousands of people sacrifice cows for worship. Drinking wine in a faith is a ritual and part of the ritual that should be performed in the house of God. Elsewhere, drinking a sip of wine is considered a sin. Which is right and which is wrong?
In a culture, women were entitled to a driver's license in 2018. Today, a Saudi Arabian woman has the right to leave her home, get in her own car and drive to another location using her own car. But 55 years ago, a Russian cosmonaut went into space. So, what's the problem, do you think? Is it that women are second-class people, or is that people and communities with a perspective that makes women inferior? There is a terrible reality that the world must confront not only based on gender, race, culture, belief, but also social status and class differences. Today, only 1% of the world population consumes 50% of the world's wealth. It is a terrible fact. An awful imbalance. And this situation brings with it many problems. I will share an example. Millions of children have obesity problems today.
So, these children are losing their health because they eat too much. At the same time, some children in the same age but elsewhere are dying of hunger. Yes, that's right, every five seconds a child under the age of five is starving today. Let us count from 5.
5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 another child died of hunger for this second. The question is; Is this a food deficiency problem? Or is it a lack of empathy problem? Therefore, when our egos are balanced with empathy, then the world becomes a livable world.
The fire of our survival is ego. But the source of strengthening our existence is empathy. If we want to live in peace together, of course. The essence of self-confidence is ego. But the source of being a trustworthy person is empathy. From the perspective of a manager, I would like to say that; Our need to express ourselves comes from ego, but the essence of effective communication is empathy. One last confrontation; we adults always think that we need to teach children something, maybe we also have a lot to learn from children. Now we need to learn how to play with boys and girls without discriminating like them.